Last night when we went to bed (4:39 AM, 1 January, 2006, Australian Eastern Daylight Time, GMT+11), the house had finally cooled down to a civilised 27 degrees. This morning, four hours later, it's back up to an uncomfortable 28 (80 and 82 F, for those who haven't shifted to metric). I'm struck by my subjectivity; that not only is such a slight difference even perceptable, but it can completely colour my mood. [Postscript: several more hours on, and it's reached "stinking hot", at 32C/90F. It could get even higher here, but it probably won't since it's gotten overcast. It's 3:15 PM which makes it 45 minutes to midnight in Buffalo, and the weather forecast there said 32F/0C. Light snow. Heaven.]
My Blog's been a "World of Warcraft Widow", as I've been off playing some game or another, and not keeping up with the world. Sorry for the lame excuse, because it's really much more than that. I don't write, and I know I don't write, because somewhere deep inside I have a broken view of the world, one in which I am not important, that no one wants to hear what I have to say. This is the mis-belief that keeps me from staying in touch with my relatives and my friends back home, all of whom I miss dearly. That is my deepest darkest secret, and one that I desperately hope no one else believes. And yet I allow myself to hold it, as if it were sacred. I allow myself to hold such a misguided view of the world, knowing full well that I would have a hissy fit if any of my friends (and probably even if any stranger I met) had such a low opinion of themselves.
And I wonder if the opposite is true, if whether I use this belief to "stay small". I'm reminded of the famous quote from Marianne Williamson
(sometimes misattributed to Mandela):
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate. Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure. It is our light, not our darkness that most frightens us. We ask ourselves, Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous? Actually, who are you not to be? You are a child of God. Your playing small does not serve the world. There is nothing enlightened about shrinking so that other people won't feel insecure around you. We are all meant to shine, as children do. We were born to make manifest the glory of God that is within us. It is not just in some of us; it is in everyone. And as we let our own light shine, we unconsciously give other people permission to do the same. As we are liberated from our own fear, our presence automatically liberates others.
My friend Chris tagged me with this meme
a few days ago, and so I have to respond. Mine is a slightly shortened version:
Seven sevensSeven Things To Do Before I Die
1. Continue to love Shane with all my heart
2. Fix the world
4. Learn another language
5. or two
6. Play drums
7. Travel: I want to visit Europe, and I'm dying to visit the arctic circle and see the Aurora Borealis.Seven Things I Cannot Do
1. Run fast, run far.
2. Lose weight easily.
3. I can't yet play a good tremelo on violin.
4. Lose another friend.Seven Things That Attract Me to…Blogging
1. I want to express myself.
2. I kinda need to express myself.Seven Things I Say Most Often
1. I'm tired.
2. I don't matter (said internally).
3. Faux-baby language to my sweetie-dog. (Senga's full name is "Dog fo Senga". Can you spot the bad joke?)Seven Books That I Love
1. Any of Stephen Jay Gould's. Caveat: his later work is
a bit too florid for me and his earlier pieces occasionally have "dated" science (evolution is a quickly unfolding field! (pun intended)).
2. Guns Germs and Steel
- Jared Diamond's summation of why history more or less unfolded the way it did. It had everything to do with the availability of domesticable plant and animal life in different regions as well as the much easier cability for technologies to spread along the east-west axis rather than north-south.
3. Pride and Prejudice
. The detail of the interactions among players is gorgeous.
4. Undaunted Courage
- the story of the Lewis and Clarke expedition. Despite what Ive been told are its failures, it showed me that I really like well-written history.
- I read the first few installments of this book back when it was published in Raw
and for me, it was my first real introduction to the power of comics. Previously, for me, comics were either superhero comics (yawn!) or immature (but titillating) Underground comix about dope and sex. Sure, I cut my teeth on them, but they were never art. Seven Movies That I Watch Over and Over Again
2. Eternal Sunshine of the Spotless Mind
4. Fiddler on the RoofSeven People I Want To Join In Too
2. John Buckley
3. Judy Clonan-Smith
4. My dad
Only one of these people has an online presence. And one has passed away.
Thanks for listening.